I feel like I lost one of my best friends today... Man what a crap. How did this happen? I'd say I'm confused, but... I dunno, I'm more just upset. Ok, let me tell you. I had two reasons for coming to Costa Rica last January. The first is my dad. I wanted to come to I guess evangelize him. He needs to know Jesus. I wanted to help him become saved. So far, after being here for a year and 2 months, I have hardly said anything at all to him. I dunno, it's hard. It's not even that I don't have a lot of experience with evangelism (which I don't really), but it's stupid. I just can't talk to him about it. I told him that he should go to this evangelistic festival the other day (oh man, i should post about that too) and he said that he didn't want to go, but maybe he would go to church some day. At least that's positive, but I think I need to find an English-speaking church around here because I'm sure he wouldn't understand anything at my church.

Anyway, that's the first reason I came here. The second is because of my friend Daniela. I haven't had a girlfriend for a long time and it's something that I've been praying about for almost just as long. And well, God told me that Daniela would be the one for me a long time ago. Actually it started almost 2 years ago. And, so I decided to come to Costa Rica after I finished university for these two reasons. Since I came here, I've been nothing but shy around Daniela. I just haven't been able to open up to her at all. Then around last April or May, I decided that I would just go straight out and tell her how I felt, except it just didn't come out that well due to my shyness. And I dunno, I think since then she just sorta tried to ignore it until around December when people around church started talking about us because we were close friends and we were always together. And that made her start to feel awkward because we were just friends. I guess she's the type of person that really cares what people think about her, or at least she doesn't like when people gossip. Anyway, the whole time I still had the same feelings for her because I just felt like I didn't have closure. I always felt like maybe if I would just open up to her that she would begin to change, or maybe see the possibility of something happening. I wasn't sure, but I just felt like when I didn't do a good job earlier that year that I just needed to be honest with her. Then in December, God revealed to me exactly what I needed to do and when I needed to do it, but me, being shy, decided not to do it. Lo and behold, two weeks later she has a boyfriend.

Well, her relationship didn't last long with him. I think it was like just over a month or something. Then after they broke up, I decided that I couldn't be shy anymore around her. So I decided to tell her exactly how I felt about her, and I did. I told her everything that happened right from the beginning, and I know that she doesn't have any feelings for me, but I just told her to pray about it, because maybe God might tell her that I was the one for her, even though she didn't think so. So yesterday after church, I saw Daniela and some friends of mine and I were going to go get something to eat for lunch, so I thought it would be cool if Daniela came with us too. So I went with her while she talked with her friends to try to see where they wanted to go. Since it was like 4 women, they were pretty indecisive and they ended up wanting to go to a different place than they had originally planned, at which point, my friends had already taken off to go to get something to eat somewhere else. So since I didn't have anywhere else to go, I decided to go along with them to KFC. Well, her ex-boyfriend went with us too and it was about that time that I noticed that they didn't seem to be ex's anymore. They were like holding hands and stuff. I felt a bit awkward, as I think she did too. So anyway I was in my room today and I lied down on my bed to call her and just then the phone rang and it was her. So she told me that they were back together as of like a week ago and that she didn't think that God would change how she feels for me, even if she prayed about it. I'm assuming that means that she didn't pray about it. Anyway, she told me that her boyfriend also asked about me because we were good friends, and so she told him and now he knows that I have feelings for her. So for that reason, now she doesn't think it would be right if we were to hang out at all or go to the movies or anything because her boyfriend would get jealous. I understand how she feels, but still, it just sucks. Now I feel really bad about it. I just wish there was something I could do to make everything better. I know I could pray about it, but still. I'm just not optimistic right now. I feel like I've lost one of my best friends and I won't be able to get her back.